I have not always been as kind to myself as I could have been.
I remember wondering, sometimes on a daily basis, why everyone seemed to have an easier life than me. I used to tell myself it was because they were better than me, and therefore they deserved it more than me, or that they were just luckier than me. It seemed that no matter what I did, and no matter how many ‘positive’ thoughts I had, at the end of the day I was still stuck going nowhere.
This type of dialogue ran daily in the background of my mind. No wonder I was stuck in a rut of despair for so long!
The reality of the situation was that before I realized the power of my own narrative, my words were creating havoc in my life.
The power of my personal narrative was shown to me quite innocently via an introduction made by a close friend to a complete stranger. She introduced me as “This is my friend Michelle who lost her father and brother suddenly 15 years ago”. It was that simple one-line introduction that became one of my biggest wake-up calls.
At first I was hurt and couldn't understand why she would introduce me that way. After all, my loss had been so long ago. What I didn't initially realize was that I had 'programmed her' to refer to me in that way. It was not her fault, and it was not done maliciously in any way whatsoever. It was how she identified me because that was how I identified myself - through my personal narrative and the way I was telling it.
Big wake-up call. Like the bells and whistles kind.
It was through this 10 second sentence that I came to understand that my words had power - extreme power in fact, but I was using them in the wrong way.
I decided that I never wanted to be referenced in any way as a victim of any thing ever again.